Happy is Better Than Perfect | PERI KINDER
During the next decade, I predict normal women will become extinct. We will be replaced by uber-talented, superwomen who can raise children, cook soufflés, run board meetings and look like Heidi Klum—all with little or no sleep. Multitasking will take on a whole new meaning as women develop a third arm, an extra set of eyes and an additional texting thumb to accomplish their daily to-do list.
When did we let our lives take over our lives?
Women who were mothers like me (back in the Mesozoic Era) ran ourselves ragged trying to keep up, while today’s generation of wonder women don’t even get out of bed before updating their mommy blog, checking their business portfolio and writing four pages in their journals. I wrote in my journal once.
These women ALWAYS look perfect with complete make-up and hair—even when sleeping or exercising. And speaking of exercise, you can catch these ultimate mothers running marathons, competing in kickboxing competitions or attending power yoga workshops. Occasionally all at the same time. They have zero percent body fat, can bench press a sumo wrestler, only eat whole foods and make me want to kick them in the head. I deliberately flip sweat in their general direction. Oh, and they don’t sweat. Oh, and they don’t sleep.
Typical conversation overheard at the mall:
Superwoman #1: I haven’t slept in seven days—but I feel great.
Superwoman #2: Well, I haven’t sleep for ten days and I can’t remember when I’ve been more alert.
Is that why they were both gulping down 72 ounces of extra-strength espresso laced with Red Bull and crystal meth? We spend our days trying to outlast the women around us without breaking down into tears or running away from home.
When did being a woman become a competition?
I happened across one of these genetically superior women who said to me, “I just arranged 3 dozen centerpieces for my daughter’s wedding reception, made 450 chocolate éclairs, gave birth to my sixth child, designed an award-winning website for my company and refinished my mother’s antique dresser.”
Not to be outdone, I replied, “Well, I just finished reading People magazine and eating 3 dozen Oreo cookies. Oh, and I folded the towels I washed last week.”
She didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Neither did I.
Really ladies, this quest for perfection is getting out of control.
Who are we trying to impress? Our kids? Whatever. Our spouses? Get real. No, we’re trying to impress EACH OTHER at the expense of EACH OTHER’S sanity. The standard for women today seems to be “If It Can Be Done, I Can Do It Faster.”
Any day now I expect to open the paper and see an ad for the “Be the Most Impressive Woman on Your Block” expo. On behalf of all women who are just plain tired of trying to do it all, I’ll stand outside in my pajamas and slippers (with no make-up) and picket the event.
Enough of women whose library books are never late, have a complete set of measuring cups and make a six-figure salary doing part-time work. Stop telling me about mothers who don’t snore, can repair transmissions and can meditate and levitate. Don’t tell me about the Baby Einstein series your one-year-old watches to stimulate his brain. My idea of brain stimulation: watching five hours of “Family Guy.”
So I give up. You win. As you dash off to Sweden to receive your Nobel Peace Prize, I’m content sitting in a lawn chair, reading trashy novels. Not exactly Heidi Klum-like—but good enough for me."
-Peri Kinder, author of "Life and Laughter"